The New Beginning in the End

This last week marked seven months since my arrival in Zambia. That is half of the required time to stay on the field in order to graduate AIM. I sometimes can't believe how good God is all of the time.

These last year and a half has been the most tumultuous time of life. I am not all together sure that is a bad thing ;)

Team Zambia started out as six stubborn girls who were all determined to go to Zambia and live in a hut and show God's crazy love to the Zambian people. We hit a few speed bumps on the way...well that is a bit of an understatement... our time as a team in Lubbock was very difficult from day one (Remember the scavenger hunt girls? ). None of us were very open to each other at first, hurtful things were said, people (including myself) were unbendable and strong willed. However, something had to give. We started to slowly thaw towards each other. We started to learn how to love each other in spite of our many differing opinions. I think this was due largely to the fantastic AIM staff and their love for God's people and for what they do. I truly believe that God always opens doors even when we think that they are padlocked, boarded up and painted over.

When we came to Zambia each one of us had something wonderful to give to the people here we all started to carve out our places in this new exciting world. That first few months seemed to go wonderfully. It is one of the best times of my life and I will look back on it fondly for the rest of my life. Not because everything was perfect..by a long run, but because I was surrounded by my sisters doing what I love the most. Loving God's people.

I hope that you all understand that people will always be people no matter where they are. Whether they are living in suburban America, or whether they are missionaries in Africa. I also hope that you understand that every missionary field is not for every missionary. About a month after our coordinators went on their sabbatical, our first two teammates felt like they needed to be in a different place. After they left. The team had quite an adjustment to make. I think we all felt like there was a pretty big hole left in our team and there was a lot of healing that needed to be done. I continued to throw myself into the work that I was doing, into building relationships with the people and into learning about the culture. In October two more of our teammates decided that they didn't feel like they were being used, and that they needed to move on. That left me and Sam. Shortly after Whitney and Susan left, Sam and I took a trip to Scotland to attend the Europe AIM retreat. It was so amazing. However, it truly put the difficulty of Zambia into contrast with other AIM fields. I believe we experienced a small taste of what reverse culture shock is going to be like. Sam decided, while she we were in Scotland, that she wanted to move on also.

So here I am. It has been almost a week. It has also been very quiet around here which has given me a lot of time to think. I think that I have come to a final realization of the end of my team. At first all of this made me so angry. I don't feel like I ever struggled in the same way that the other girls did and because of that I had a hard time being sympathetic with them. I was angry that they didn't fight to stay. Then I realized something. Anger solves nothing and it definitely is not productive in helping me establish myself and move on. So so I spent some time in prayer over it. I was feeling pretty ridiculous. I was upset at myself for letting myself be angry. I also realized that I am pretty scared. After Sam left, a lot of questions were running through my head "Am I really doing any good here?" "Am I going to be able to make a difference on my own?" "Am I going to be able to survive this on my own?". Then suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks CALLY YOU ARE REDICULOUS! The answer to those questions is a resounding NO! I haven't done a single thing here on my own. Every step of my way God has been one step ahead preparing the path. He knows that I am a foolish, stubborn person, riddled with selfishness. What gives me great joy is the fact that He works in spite of my weakness! He is the onw who has prepared the hearts of the people that I am touching. He is the on bringing about these incredible things that have been happening to me. I am so grateful for my Jesus who has sustained me through all these crazy times. I am so astonished at the growth that He has worked in my heart and I can't wait to see what else He has in store for me. Not only in the coming months in Zambia but for the rest of my life!

Lesson: I am very sad that team Zambia is no more. I miss those girls with all my heart and they have taught me so much. My time with them was precious and I will always treasure it. However, despite my sadness I have an overwhelming sense of peace about what the next few months will hold. I know that it will be above and beyond anything that I could ever ask or imagine! I praise Him for a new beginning in the end.

PRAISE YESU!!!

Passion: "Since you are seeking for proof of the Christ who speaks in me, and who is not weak towards you, but mighty in you. For indeed he was crucified because of weakness, yet He lives because of the power of GOD. For we also are weak in Him, yet we shall live with Him because of the power of God directed toward you" ~2Corinthians 13:3-4

Cally Jane